I got out of bed this morning and decided to mainly veg. This consisted of staying in my pajamas all day and watching TV here and there. I got online and read, too, but today's rant deals mostly with the TV.
For months now, actually, probably years but I lost track, I have been watching the progression of certain commercials. Not just one specific product, but the many, many products on the market for the same thing. I have witnessed the change in reasons why you should buy their product, and today I realized it hit an all time low.
I am talking about commercials for the vast array of products to whiten your teeth. If you haven't been paying attention, whiter teeth is the latest thing everyone wants and those who don't have them feel like crap. I have actually witnessed groups of women moaning about the lack of whiteness to their teeth. And tooth whitening products are usually situated before the actual tooth paste in stores. So it is working.
Yes, it would be nice to have whiter teeth, but I'm not going to go to a dentist for the procedure, and apparently, neither is anyone else. So every toothpaste company in the world has a wide selection of tooth whiteners to choose from, going from paste to strips. You can get cups to bleach your teeth. And hell, if you really want it, you can paint your teeth white. Whole companies have sprung up just to whiten our teeth. And if you've ever seen the prices of the products, you know they're making a killing, too.
And not one person has mentioned the two wonderful ways of whitening your teeth, except your dentist, maybe. Those two miracle tips: stop smoking and stop drinking coffee. Both those habits are not only bad for you (coming from a smoker, see this?), but they turn your teeth several shades of yellow and brown. So stop those two habits, then visit your dentist while living a coffee and smoke free life, and your teeth will be a whole lot whiter in no time!
But I digress.
As I am flipping channels, I see a red haired woman asking me if she has ever owned a lava lamp, but she won't tell me if she has. I've owned a lava lamp... and a Kiss t-shirt. This does not mean a damn thing to anyone on Earth. However, according to this red haired hussy, her teeth can give away her age. Imagine that! People can tell how old you are by the whiteness of your teeth!
One thing to take note of, though. Babies... they don't have any teeth. Neither do many senior citizens. Have you ever mistaken one for the other? I didn't think so. So exactly how are your teeth giving away your age?
This, however, amazed me. You mean to tell me that all these years, people have been gauging my age according to my teeth? People have looked at my teeth and said, "Oh! She's in her 20s!" and not "Oh! What a nice smile!" or "Oh! She smokes!"
And I can honestly tell you... I have one friend who I have been friends with for about 12 years now. I love her to death. I can tell you what music she likes, what colors her hair has been over the past 12 years, the color of her eyes... but I cannot tell you how white her teeth are. Why? Because I never really looked. I can't tell you how white the teeth of any of my friends are. Because their teeth don't matter to me. Nice smile? Sure, I can tell you that. But whiteness of teeth? I dunno! The teeth are probably the last thing I notice on a person, unless they have something really funky going on in there like one big tooth in the front and no others.
So folks, please don't fall for this hype. No one really cares if your teeth are blindingly white or just human being white. No one is really looking as close as you think they are. And they surely aren't making you look old. I have never seen a person and thought they were young only to change my mind when they flashed their teeth. And I'm sure you haven't either. So don't fall for it. It's crap.
As an aside, why is it that we aren't allowed to grow old gracefully? Some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life had snow white hair or salt and pepper hair and crows feet complimented by laugh lines. They're mature, they have life experience, and they don't take crap from no one. And I think it's gorgeous, honestly. I was thrilled when I spotted my first gray hair. And I still tend to pull gray hairs away from the hair coloring when I color my hair. I'm not dreading wrinkles or salt and pepper hair. Maybe it's my way of flipping off the planet, but ask any mother and she'll tell you her kids gave her every gray hair on her head. You earned those grays. You earned those laugh lines by smiling and having a good time. You earned those crows feet much the same way. Wrinkles on the forehead? You earned them from being thrilled for your kids, your spouse, or your friends. You earned them laughing at parties and by being amazed by sunsets. Sagging breasts? You earned them nourishing your children and by giving up the wonder bra for sensible comfort. Sagging backside? You earned it by sitting at a desk making a living to support your family, by sitting and talking to friends, by driving your kids to sporting events, etc. But we're told these are all bad. Just so you know, you can't look 20 forever, because you aren't going to be 20 forever. Your teeth may dull and your face my wrinkle, but you are changing every day, just the way it was meant to be. There's nothing to be ashamed of there. Hell, that's something to be proud of! You've survived! You've made it to a point where you get wrinkles! Be thrilled, because you're alive and well and can maybe afford to color your hair and/or get poison shot into your face, whether you choose to do so or not. But it would be nice to see more people choose not.
/Soapbox
Suck Lead did something BAAAAD at 8/29/2006 01:08:00 AM
